Wednesday, August 3, 2011

"What the World needs now, is Love sweet Love, its the only thing that there's just too little of"

I'm once again going through one of those periods where I have total disdain for my job...Biting my nails wondering if I will get fired.. I've always had problems with authority, a friend of mine thinks its because my parents made me move when I didn't want to as a young kid.. But I dunno. Anyways, I am aware that sometimes I am too vocal with authority in regard to what I think is right or wrong or whatever.. And I don't totally think this is a bad thing. In fact, I don't understand why so many others are complacent and mute. If people don't speak up then nothing changes and those who have power just get more powerful. Its true, I inherited an activist spirit.. and I am working on my communication skills so as to get what I want without pissing people off. Anyways the real problem with all this, is that it makes me feel hopeless, and stuck, like there are no opportunities out there for me and like I don't fit in in this world... And this makes me so angry.  And then that anger and frustration gets turned on myself on one hand because I feel that I am so much better then my actual qualifications present and then on the other hand because I also think I am better then the entry level opportunities or internships that I am qualified for and perhaps can't even get.. And because of this I feel stuck and pin-holed.  Somehow I have to prove my greatness to the world.. (I realize this is a construct of the western world). This blog doesn't quite do it either, too negative in its prose. I am a generally bright, spirited, kind, happy, creative, intelligent person. I like to work for people who possess  similar adjectives. People who are real about this world we live in. I take comfort in the rain that is falling right now and in the fact that if I had to, I could probably be a carousel operator. 10 bucks p/hr. The post says you must like children.. I would think you'd have to really really really like children.   I wonder if you get dizzy watching that thing spin all day long?

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